I am a dog person. Well, I am a small dog person. I am not, however, a cat person. Cats have never really warmed up to me, and it’s possible it’s because I’m terrified of them. Their sharp little claws and teeth, ready to strike at any moment, even MID PET. It’s traumatizing.
My best friend has a house full of cats, and one night when I stayed over her particularly ornery cat decided to sit on the floor by my side of the bed. I figured he was just hanging out, so I start to drift off to sleep when WHAM. He had jumped up and landed right on my chest. I screamed (how could you not?!) but upon realizing it was the cat, he had already vanished. Alright, you won this one, cat. I start to drift off to sleep again and then WHAM. He does it again. I scream. Repeat. This happened several times when my friend rolls over and yells at me to stop screaming. ME?! Your cat is torturing me!
Despite my several less than pleasant interactions with cats, one day I’m scrolling through Facebook and I see a very cute kitten for adoption near me at a pet store. Pet store shall remain nameless. The cat has a little dot by its mouth, and I think WOW, this cat should be named Marilyn or Monroe and will be the most famous Instagram cat. I can be a cat owner; it’s all about the training and I’ll just train the cat to be less treacherous. Those of you who own cats are probably laughing right about now at the idea of “training cats.” They train you, let’s be honest. However, I’m determined to make this work.
I get to the pet store and am led back to the cat adoption center. There’s a little room they unlock for me and it has a few chairs and a table and some toys. This room is connected to the room with all of the cats, so they let in Monroe (I’m telling you the name is perfect) and tell me to signal to them through the window when I’m ready to be let out. They emphasize this because they don’t want me to accidentally let the cat out into the pet store, or leave the cat unattended. Ok, cool.
So they leave me to the kitten and I grab a little play toy and start to play with her. She immediately does what all kittens do, and starts attacking it. Then my hand. Then me. My heart is starting to race, the terror is building. I am still determined I can win this, so I pick her up and put her in my lap, thinking I can pet her and maybe she’ll settle down. Absolutely not. She parkours off of me and then somehow ends up on top of the chair, then the table, then my head, then the floor, and that’s when it hit me. I start sneezing, my eyes are watering, and I am struggling to breathe. I am allergic to cats.
I knew I always had a little allergy problem with them, but I’ve never been in an enclosed space with them before. My fear of them had kept me at pretty great distances, so I’ve never really tested out the level of this allergy. I’m finding out pretty quickly it’s not a good level, so I throw away my dream of having this instacat and stand by the window at the door. I’m looking out as much as possible, but no one is around. I stand there for several minutes, still no one.
I start to open the door and the kitten lunges across the room to escape so I shut it mere seconds before she reaches it. I try to open the door to the other cats, thinking maybe I can get this kitten back in there, but it’s locked. I resolve to just stand at the door with the window until someone walks by, but I’m there for about 10 minutes with no one in sight. I can’t open the door to leave, I definitely can’t stay, and panic is setting in. Am I going to die in here? How long will it take for someone to come back for me? Have they forgotten I’m in here?
There’s one final option, and the embarrassment for it is pretty likely. I google the pet store I’m in, and then I call it. The first attempt no one answers. The second attempt no one answers. The third attempt I’m put on hold, and then finally someone asks how I can be helped. I try to sound as calm as possible, and I legitimately have to tell another soul these words: “I’m in the cat adoption center with a cat, but no one has come back for me and I’m kinda trapped in here. Can someone come get me?” The person on the other end literally stifles a laugh, and says she’s really sorry the store got super busy and someone would be along in a minute. Five more minutes pass and finally someone enters to put the cat away so I could leave. “Well, do you think you want to adopt?” she asks.
No. One thousand times no. My arms are scratched. My eyes are bloodshot. I sound like a dude. I’ve spent 30 minutes trapped in a tiny room with a tiny weapon and I’m ready to go home. But I attempt a smile and say not today instead.
It’s an easy trap to fall into, wanting to be liked. I wanted cats to like me so badly that I trapped myself with one. LOVE ME, DANGIT. But you know what? Overall (there are exceptions), I don’t like cats either. Why am I trying so hard for cats to love me when I can turn around and be the Chihuahua whisperer?
We live in a world with so many people, you are not going to like everyone and everyone is not going to like you. No matter how hard you try, no matter how introspective you get, no matter what anyone else has to say about it, and that’s ok. We’re all different for a reason. We all have unique talents and abilities and ambitions. Those things that set us apart are what will attract those that should be in our lives, into our lives.
I’ve spent a lot of energy trying to convince people, and possibly myself, that I’m good enough. Whether a coworker, or a friend, or a partner, I’ve questioned why can’t it just work out? Is there something wrong with me? Is there something wrong with them? I start playing the “what if” game, wondering what magical combination of things will lead to a positive outcome. But at the end of the day, if you are the best version of you, then there is nothing to question. We are not meant for everyone. And everyone is not meant for us. Someone not seeing how great you are is enough of a reason to let them go.
We are all building our own puzzles, and our pieces won’t always match, no matter how badly we want them to. We will all have beautiful pictures by the end, each piece hand-picked, each piece being both chosen and accepted.
So be bold, babe, and let go of the instacat pieces, for your masterpiece can still be beautiful without them.
xoxo,
Bold Babe